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tired of writing in french tired of writing properly at all tired of thinking tired of trying tired of crying.
well as of today jackie and i are on a 3-week long “break”
my guess is that this break will turn into a permanent “break-up”
“i don’t know how i feel about you” “i don’t know if i really like you”
i’m surprised at how unemotional i was.
what i wanted: casual
what i got: something not-so-casual
what i want: fun, love —— TO BE CARED FOR
how i feel: strong like
how i think he feels (and i’m probably right): apathy/friend/sexual benefit
what he wants: not a relationship (it’s too restricting)
what i definitely definitely want: for him to make up his mind. but i don’t know if i’ll be there when he does.
gone gone gone
I seem to have been doing this a lot lately this year in college. Everyone seems so busy and schedules conflict, or I just don’t want to bother asking everyone to come to lunch with me only to be rejected by several different people through text, so it’s hard to find people to eat with. I guess I’ve been finding myself eating alone at the dining hall or if I don’t want to feel so alone I’ll take my meal to go and eat in my room… Kind of depressing either way, though I did get to do some nice people watching while eating at Hoch today.
maintenant je veux parler de mon petit copain… je connais pas qu’est-ce qui c’est passé, mais… selon moi… tous dans notre rapport est… bizarre et je sais pas qu’est-ce que je devrais faire… T~T. je suis toujours triste… simplement en voyant Jackie… ou en parlant avec lui… je devien mal au coeur… peut-être je s’ennuie.
tout ça me prend la tête…
tout n’est pas rose dans la vie…
mais je sais pas s’il vaut la peine.
